Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm at about main and main street
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
