Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
