physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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