Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
