he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
