im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
