When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
