I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
In other news, I just burned my penis
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
