I seem to have left my pride at pride
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
