imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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