he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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