I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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