i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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