The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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