Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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