My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
