she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You should frame my arrest warrant.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
