the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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