My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
