i'm signing you up for texting rehab
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
