These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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