You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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