just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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