How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize