The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
