I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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