What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
