We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
someone owes me an orgasm
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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