EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
