i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize