her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
