I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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