Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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