how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
