It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
