Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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