I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
