I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
