i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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