I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I touched a dick in church today
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