Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
