So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
