what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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