dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
