Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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