All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Soap is not a condiment
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
