does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
