And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
