lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
