textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
