so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
