Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
