every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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