So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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