So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
