Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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