Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
