get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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