It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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