i permit you to call me
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
