3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
