The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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