I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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