She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
