the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
